Into the Mist

Sometimes I feel so aimless. I get this feeling, or rather this lack of feeling...it makes me panicky. I think "I have GOT to get rid of this, it has GOT to go..." I lose track of my thoughts, I'll walk around trying to find something to do...It usually takes a shower, a call from Evan, or interaction with a friend/family member to get me back on course, whatever course that my be. I think it must be my least favorite feeling in the world, not knowing what to do or really even how I feel. I think I am afraid of where it might lead me. It's like tottering on the edge of something.

I had this dream once of falling. People from all around were climbing this impossibly tall mountain to a cliff. There was an abandoned house at the peak with no one it it, and instead of a backyard there was nothing but air. Everyone would walk through this house and right out the back door, and they would just fall and fall into mist. You couldn't see what was at the bottom; it was a very hazy, gray dream. Finally I walked out of the backdoor too, and I fell for the longest time. After forever, I slowed down and the mist cleared. I just floated softly, quietly into the water with all the others. It was a cool dream.