Puhlease!

I've heard it all to many times: It is going to be a miracle it I pass this test! or I'm going to fail, I'm going to fail, or Oh my gosh, this is going to be so bad...



Now I realize that these words are simply safety nets for failure (I myself have used them many times) but it really gets to me when people with A+s mope and moan about how badly they are going to do on this or that. Of course they get As; they worked hard and were secretly very confident. I either wish that certain people would just quit complaining and admit they are smart and capable, or that it wouldn't bother me so much. I'm not sure which is more unlikely.



Do you ever realize that it's not another person you are angry at, but yourself? For example, someone tricks you. Are you angry at the person who tricked you, or yourself for falling for it? Does that person popping their pen annoy you, or is it because you once did it yourself? Are you yelling at so-and-so or are you yelling at yourself?



I'm so uncertain about my job. It goes so slowly, there's too much room, too few rules, too undirected. I want someone to tell me what to do, not ask me what I'm planning on doing! I don't really think that my mentor really understands that I'm an undergrad, that I've never done scientific things before this summer, that I need guidance, that I don't think like a post-doc or a PhD student. The problem is that he's such a smoothe talker. He talks himself out of everything: going to work, meeting with me, giving me a straightforward project. It's so frustrating to speak with him for and hour, to leave feeling like I've finally gotten somewhere only to learn that we really accomplished nothing. I like it here, though. I don't want to leave. However, not being a very self-motivating person, what I really need is a mentor who sets ground rules, has expectations for me and sets goals. I do really well under conditions like that. All my mentor does is express his expectations, like that does anything. I'm actually thinking about leaving, not only because I'm sick of being dead in the water, but because my grad student will be leaving this Spring. He's really been my mentor--he's taught me things, demonstrated confusing tasks, showed me how to use machines, taken me out bird catching. When he's gone I don't have a hope. Unfortunately, I'm afraid my mentor's going to try and talk his way out of me leaving. If I leave he won't have anyone else. I either need to transform myself into a self-motivating, incredibly driven person (not likely) or I am going to have to really stand up for what I think is best for me. We shall see.